


Perfect

by ColoredLion



Category: Sander Sides
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logan Angst, self-deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 00:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19074172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColoredLion/pseuds/ColoredLion
Summary: Logan has to be perfect for Thomas, no matter what happens.





	Perfect

He didn’t really realize when the thoughts started. They were soft and something you would think for a second before brushing it off and forgetting it. But slowly more and more thoughts seemed to trickle through, and he didn’t even realize until he was drowning in them. A cold self-hatred that spread throughout his body. He wanted to claw off his own skin just to get away from something that was already buried too deep inside him.

’Get over it. You’re the least popular character and you know it.’

At first... he didn’t understand. What was this strange emptiness that clawed at his heart? An unbearable sadness and feeling of uselessness that caused his breath to quicken, or caused him to ask why he even got out of bed. It was illogical to think that he could even have feelings like this. But, the more this pressure pressed around him, clawing at his lungs and leaving him breathless, the more he realized that he was wrong.

’Logan’s here, so I probably did something wrong.’

But no, he had to hide it. He couldn’t have ‘feelings’. He had to be perfect. For Thomas. For... everyone. No matter how many hurtful comments that were thrown at him, no matter how much they made his chest ache. He wanted to scream, reach in and tear out all of these icky emotions and throw them into the metaphorical trash. 

‘Logan, can you stop?’

And now, here he was. Trying to get work done when more and more of these thoughts intruded his mind, poking and prodding, prying into all of his deepest fears. His hands began to shake as his heart tried to leap out of his chest.

’Oh good, Logan! Everyone’s favorite character!’

He dropped his pen, laying his hands flat on the desk as he tried to regain control of his breathing. But he found that he couldn’t, spiraling into a bottomless void of never ending darkness.

’Geek Squad? More like squad-less geek! You’re alone!’

Before he knew it, he stumbled to his feet, a wave of dizziness hitting him as his hands scrambled to undo his tie, choking him. 

’What I think Patton was trying to say is that Logan has just proven that he’s the worst and that he’s been the thorn in your side all along.’

He found himself on the ground, unable to control his limbs. Blood roared in his ears as he road out the panic attack. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the words, ‘this is illogical, get up, you have to get up, you have to be perfect for Thomas’ seemed to repeat themselves over and over.

‘Logan’s not here. So, let’s act like it.’

The clawed grip on his heart finally seemed to relax, and the unbearable roaring in his ears subsided, leaving an uncharacteristic silence in the barren room. He was a weak heap on the floor, tie loose around his neck, sweat spiking up his hair, chest heaving for sweet air.

’I mean, did you see the look on Logan’s face?’

He knew that he needed help, he knew that. Then why couldn’t he bring himself to ask?

’-after exhibit A for, ‘ayyy, look at this nerd!’

Just the thought of telling the others that he was terrified of what these thoughts could lead to, or the fact that he had hidden his feelings from them because he didn’t want to burden them with his illogical emotions. Facing them all and telling them that, no, he wasn’t perfect. He was broken and drowning in a dark pool of self-deprecating thoughts. He failed.

That one thought provoked a wave of numbness to make its way over his body, chasing the bad thoughts away, taking control. He didn’t knew where he was going until he was knocking on the door.

It swung open in a frustrated manner.

“For the last time, Roman—“ Virgil stopped abruptly at the sight of his appearance, glasses still tilted on his face. Eyes filled with a blankness that he had never seen before. “Logan, what’s wrong?”

“I-I need help,” As the words left his mouth, they felt right. He did it. He managed to reach out and grab the life raft waiting for him on the surface of the waves. And as he broke the surface, everything seemed to break. 

Virgil frowned as Logan’s stoic face became unbearably depressed, tears pricking the edges of those warm brown eyes. 

Before realizing what was happening, Logan fell into a warm embrace. Strong arms reaching over his shoulders and pulling him closer. And for a second, the dark thoughts disappeared. 

A broken sob fell from his lips as he brought his arms around Virgil to lock in the protective embrace. Relief unknown to him flooded through his body, causing everything to go lax. The arms tightened around him. 

Soft words fell from Virgil’s mouth, and he brought a hand up to run then through the messy curls, uncaring of the sweat.

Maybe... just maybe Logan was going to be okay. It was illogical to think that he could ever be perfect. No one was ever perfect. And, while sobbing into Virgil’s hoodie, he realized that he was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> aaAaAA this is my second Sander Sides fan fiction! I do have a series that I’m working on that I’ll hopefully post soon! I hope you guys enjoyed! :)


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